Hello Kellogg Team Member,

At 6 years old I was asked who my favorite “Pro [baseball] Team” was. I answered, “cheese” because I thought he said protein and I had just learned about nutrition in school. I love cheese and since that day I have been a Cheez-It enthusiast. The cheese tastes so real and mature, how could I not.

So, I was surfing the Kellogg site this evening and decided I need a Cheez-It t-shirt. Upon checkout I see the outrageous shipping charge of $13 to NYC (not Australia or somewhere far far away.) I am writing this letter hoping that whoever reads this might pass this email to someone in the Cheez-It family who then contacts me to tell me that I will be receiving the gorgeous red t-shirt for a reasonable shipping charge. I don’t think this is unreasonable as I will be marketing your product regularly. Please reply for shipping details

Thank you and have a great Monday.

yummmmm

I’m feeling under the weather.  Most likely, I am suffering from S.A.D. (seasonal affect disorder). I am also really sick of the freaking snow.

When I got home, I decided to do one of my favorite things, watch TV.  I began on the History Channel and caught a few devastating minutes about Nostradamus and the end of the world– so that didn’t really help my mood.  I was in pretty bad shape until I stumbled upon the final puzzle on Wheel of Fortune (usually a sad part of the show as most people fail to guess it correctly. only 17 out of 104 since I’ve been counting)  As I watched, the contestant got the clue with very little help from the given letters.  Anyway this nice Spanish woman guessed the “THING” correctly.  The word was nifty gadget: and now I’m in a much better mood.  I am now ready to once again face the wet white world out there.

My mood continued to improve when a friend compared watching “The Tudors,” to watching a porno.

It’s a long winter so any ideas for dealing with S.A.D. or the snow and frigid temperatures would be great.  Really can’t rely on game show victories.

Send bad ideas too, I work well in the negative space.

Today I went to Uniqlo. After spending my monthly $100 on basic clothing I do not need I requested a meeting with the general manager. 5 minutes into my polite , yet passionate ranting about the lack of XL and XXL sweaters, jackets, pullovers etc. I had a crowd of 6 employees dying of laughter, probably because I proclaimed loudly and persistently that fatties also like cheap clothing. I told them that the new store at 666 5th Avenue, with a $1.5 Million monthly rent, will surely fail if they can’t provide fat tourists and large businessmen the sizes they require. I am sick of this shit, it’s the worst business plan in the world. Every time I walk into that store they have thousands of smalls and mediums and they’re always sold out of XL (and apparently XS– probably because Brad also shops there) and THEY don’t make XXL for 95% of the attire they sell. After our “conversation” I got an invitation to a secret preferred customers, “business suggestion” monthly dinner with the General Managers. They are making me sign a confidentiality agreement before my first meeting.